Guys Explained Essay Page

A female reader wrote and asked that in a "fair is fair" attitude, I should provide a top ten list of
things that women do which frustrate men. I don't think this is really so much a "payback" list,
because it could also provide insight into how the male works, and perhaps give you ideas and
strategies on how to accomplish the same goals without damaging the male ego. Remember, not all
of these will apply to evey man, but you'll know which do and which don't to the male in question.
So in David Letterman style, we'll go backwards and count down.

#10. Women Love Romance. This frustrates men, because they worry that women set the bar on
romance from movies and television. When a man and a woman watch a scene like the proposal
scene in Serendipity or the radio scene in Say Anything, the woman is enjoying the romance and the
emotion of the characters...the man is thinking "Great, how the hell am I going to top that? Is this
what she expects from me?"

#9. Women Love Dancing. Most men hate to dance, or fear it. Maybe they just don't know how to do
it, or maybe they are terrified of making the wrong move. But women love dancing, and they think it
is romantic and magical. This also frustrates men because women love to watch the four hundred
dancing shows now on television, when he'd rather watch some guys blowing each other up.

#8. Women Take a Long Time to Get Ready. I understand why this is. A woman's clothing choices,
makeup, and hair prep are complicated. Even when I wore a suit and tie I could get ready in 10
minutes or less. But most guys don't get it; they just know you take forever. But if you speed it up or
skimp on the makeup, you're likely to get some comment later about how you never want to look
nice for him.

#7. Women Cry. Okay, some guys cry - I do all the time. But most guys hate to see a woman cry,
because they either can't understand why, or they assume its something they did, or else its the
mysterious hormone thing. If the man doesn't understand it, he can't fix it. And the possibility that this
leads to #1 on this list terrifies him.

#6. Women Are Bad Drivers. This is not true, but it is so accepted that it pisses men off to no end. A
guy who drives badly is just being "an asshole" and doing it on purpose. A woman makes the same
moves because she is a terrible driver, and shouldn't be behind the wheel.

#5. Women Spend Money. If the woman does the grocery shopping, the man is convinced he could
do it twice as fast at half the price. Women's clothes are 50% more expensive for no reason, but guys
blame that on the woman's expensive taste. A 50% off sale is a blessing to a woman...to a man, it's
an excuse to spend. Again, an attempt to cut back in this area will result in the same complaints
anyway, plus whining about how you never dress up for him anymore.

#4. Women Do Not Understand Money. Again, not true. But in many households the man wants to
control all the money, all the bills, all of everything. This is because he is "better at it" and so he can
hide any activity he knows he shouldn't have done (the new putter, the unexplained bar tab, the
room at the Super 8 motel). So the woman is left with no real idea of what they have, what they can
afford, or where the money goes. All they know is the man "isn't made of money."

#3. Women Get Jealous. So the guy flirts with a waitress, hits on his secretary, or fantasizes about
that new girl in accounting. Big deal! He can look as long as he doesn't touch, right? Why should you
get jealous over that. It isn't like he's cheating or anything. Inevitably, if he does cheat, it is because
you "drove him to it" because of your constant bitching about his innocent flirting and ogling.

#2. Women Make Plans. Most guys like to fly by the seat of their pants. Why did you agree for us to
have dinner with the Wilds on Thursday? I hate that guy. You KNOW I've got to watch football on
Saturday, I don't want to go to that stupid thing at the botanical gardens. Can't you go with one of
your Yenta friends? As usual, the flip-side is if you don't make plans, his suggestions involve odd
sexual requests or a lot of staying home...at which point you become "boring" and he looks for
excitement elsewhere.

and finally:

#1. "We Have to Talk" The most feared words in the English language to a male. Most men would
rather jump out a window (3rd floor or lower) than be subjected to twhatever is going to follow. Even
a fake stroke or heart attack is not out of the question.

So there you have it. Another in-depth look into the male mind.